On getting out of my house
On getting out of my house
One foot in front of the other until we reach the public library!
I don’t always have the motivation to get outside of my apartment, and for what! I love being out and about. A girl on the go— as I self proclaim! Ha! The personal joy that results from popping over to a new store to refresh my toiletry cabinet or throw on roller skates for 20 minutes should truly be studied. So why don’t I do it more?
My brain lives in a very calculated time zone that was a pendulum swing from my early years. I created a system to function in without even knowing why I needed it so desperately. This shift was subconsciously done prior to my ADHD diagnosis three years ago. If I always had some structure (to-do lists in my notes app, a google calendar event for every hour of the day, etc. etc.)— I couldn’t miss the task/event/expectation. I ran into a peer from high school this past weekend who had mentioned to me how hard our psychology teacher teased me for my quantity of questions asked (hadn’t even remembered) but was a great nod to how difficult it was for me to fit in a system that felt like I was a watermelon trying to fit in a juice press (impossible!)
Unfortunately, I girl-bossed a little too close to the productivity department to course correct. This resulted in a pretty rigid schedule in both my higher educational experiences, but also my personal life. I am now trying to reinvent the carefree balance of leaving my apartment sporadically without set plans or just throwing out the evening to-do list to pull out a moleskin for a quick doodle. All while also getting done the necessary tasks of life. Simply not overthinking it, but just doing it. (Isn’t there a brand that says something like that?) This may not register with everyone, but this is just one example of the balancing act that is difficult for me.
The past few weeks I have prioritized leaving the apartment more. Intentionally forcing myself to get up and get out (other than work) almost daily resulted in 1) a spontaneous Wednesday night dinner date to Cowgirl with my husband 2) being more open to a social event after a long work day 3) the best yoga class with a friend downtown that usually I would have made an excuse to skip 4) the reminder of how exciting it is to have a downstairs grocery store & 5) seeing a free gallery after work!
Whether it is leaving the house or sticking to my evening routine, balanced habits continue to be very difficult for me. I find excitement in the times I can tell that I am balanced, and am also reminded of the time if takes for things to stick. “We cannot shame ourselves into change, we can only love ourselves into evolution.”
I am writing this on a Monday night and am giving my high school self a hug and my Tuesday self some slack.
